Scotland: Week 4

Drink, eat and be merry....

 

 

Eat

 

So many cakes and so little time.  Scottish folk offer up cake like its air, at all times of day.  It's a peace offering/answer for everything. My faves include Stephen's fudge donuts, custard slices and Bakewell tarts.  No wonder I usually gain 10lbs. 
Oh and chips (fries) are served with everything, including pasta.  I'd like a side of starch with my starch please.  What's that?  Would I like some freshly baked bread? Damn straight!  And pass the salt and vinegar! 

Another amazing commodity is a full cooked Scottish breakfast.  It consists of fried eggs, beans in a tomato sauce, cooked tomatoes, potato scones, sauteed mushrooms, toast and then, for non vegetarians, sausages and black pudding.  That's all of us eating one at Dobbie's Garden Center above.  That and Iron Bru are the secret Scottish remedies for two much of my next subject.

Food is clearly a weakness. 

 

Drink

 

We've already discussed tea as a staple so we can cut to the chase...Whether it's 'champers' (campaign), beer (preferably in pint form) or cider (I like mine with black currant).....I gotta hand it to the Scots--They can drink!  If you think you can drink, which I can't, be careful because some of their stuff is stronger than ours and you could find yourself on the floor of a bar like one of my sorority sisters.  Pictured above are the pints my brother in law ordered and then let my five year old sample.   That's him probably laughing about it.  Not a big deal in Scotland.  The more worrying fact was that it was Kronnenburg and the five year old said 'yum!'  May have my work cut out for me there.  

 

Be Merry 

 

I feel like there is a celebration for everything in Scotland.  Any reason to get together and eat/drink is a good reason.  I like it. 
'Let's meet for a pint!' is a good enough reason and then all of the sudden you have friends for life. 


Please drink responsibly....

Or you could end up like this.

Wild Animals

So I took my four animals to the zoo the other day.  The sun was out and it was a beautiful day to be outside.  The kids were wild but I was only asked a few times if I was in charge of a playgroup.  The kids finished off an entire cooler bag of snacks and water.  Note to self:  Take more.  I forgot sunscreen but in my defense it's the beginning of March and I had no idea it would hit 80 degrees.  Oh well!  No use crying over slightly cooked children.
We saw most of the animals, rode the train and carousel and hiked every inch of The Saint Louis Zoo.  All in all, I would say it was a successful mission.
If you are planning a trip to the zoo, I recommend laying down some ground rules.  

Our rules were made along the way and are as follows:

1.  Do not pick up foreign objects, such as random trash or other peoples lost relics.  I thought you knew this but apparently we needed to go over this again.  No, we do not need an extra hair bow. Gag.
2.  Do not bite.  Especially for no good reason and just for the hell of it. 
3.  No throwing a fit when things don't go your way.  I'm sorry the penguin exhibit is closed and there's a line for the train.  There's nothing I can do about it.  Your complaints are futile and annoying.
4.  No sticks.  Every time a stick gets picked up, someone gets a beating, sometimes a completely innocent bystander.  The next person that picks up a stick gets said stick across the backside.
5.  Do not stand up in a moving wagon.  Luckily I haven't had to reinforce this with punishment as you've all fallen out.  Dumb.
6.  Do not climb walls that separate you from the animals.  Just a suggestion.  Also climbing statues that say 'Do Not Climb', the powers above frown on.  Side note:  Parkour is an adolescent sport you can do when you're old enough to be out of my sight.
7.  Do not lay on the ground flat on your back in the middle of a path or risk being trampled by the stampede.  It also makes me look bad.
8.  Do not play hide and seek unwillingly.  IF you follow this action by an inability to hear your name when I call, I will beat you into next Tuesday.
9.  All bodies of water are off limits.  We'd all like to swim with the sea lions but that's life.  I don't appreciate that Lucy Liu just had to catch you from diving head first into the butterfly pond.
10. Do not touch the animals.  Along those lines DO NOT catch the butterflies or the old lady in charge will take you home and cook you for dinner.  She's already giving us stink eye and I don't blame her. 
11.  Stay close by.  The zoo keepers didn't find my jokes about zone defense funny.
12.  Don't taunt the animals.  Even though it was funny when you named Rosebud the monkey,  Rose Butt.  The song 'I see your butt!' was a step too far.
13.  Do not talk to strangers.  If I'm right next to you and you feel the need to greet someone, please, say something nice and not 'Hey there stinky pants!'
14.  Know what personal space is and don't try to edge other children out.  This is 'Merica'!  Grown-ups blocking views and taking forever, give the kids a break and let them see.  Your grown-ups and it's a Tuesday morning...don't you have somewhere else to be?
15.  When I tell you to go to bathroom, it's not a nice suggestion.  Go to the bathroom because I'm not hiking an hour in the opposite direction. 
16.  Don't put your hands down your pants.  You don't need to go in to re-adjust.
17.  Do not feed animals or other peoples children.
18.  You may make requests but not demands.  Stupid requests don't require answers.  No we can't have a tiger...
19.  Don't wander off.  If you can't see me, you have a problem.  Freeze.  I will find you.  Excuses for wanders are met with a distant look and a sigh.  I'm 'wandering' where the beer is.
20.  No you may not have a boomerang, a stuffed lemur, a stuffed elephant or any other stuffed useless toy.  Stupid gift shops everywhere!

If compliance is a problem just remember:  You're in a good spot to return them to their natural environment.  Good luck with all the wild animals! 

Scotland: Week 3

Marching on to museums, treasures and trains...

 Museums

  
I'm quite aware that there are awesome museums everywhere, especially in the big cities, but the Scotland National Museum is noteworthy.  There are floors upon floors of fun educational things for kids to see and do.  The kids of course loved the thing you stick your change in at the front door, which is not even part of the museum....typical.  My fave was the section for the younger kids which had a lot of hands on activities and was contained.  A win for anyone with more than one child.

 

Local Treasures

One of Dunfermline's greatest treasures is The Glen.  It has a indoor botanical garden, a maze of outside gardens, fields, play parks and a kid friendly coffee shop.  If you want to go for a walk, fly a kite or burn that kid energy, this is the place.  The Gala, a parade/celebration for all the schools in June, ends up here and is the bees knees!  Cheering on kids in egg and spoon races is what I live for.  I'm so wild.

 

 Trains

Riding a train is such an adventure, especially when you are a kid.  If you have a lot of children, like I do, the train staff feel so sorry for you, they let the kids ride free!  Hoorah!  At least their somewhat contained and there's a bathroom.  For a different perspective, you can go to the lovely town of Queensferry where you can see the bridge from below and view a monument that lists all the people that died while building it.  A real treat for my slightly morbid oldest child.  You can also walk the Forth Road Bridge that runs parallel, but it's a mile and a half in one direction.  No thanks.  I'm good. 

Scotland: Week 2

Next up:  Enjoy all novelties within a few feet of your surroundings, like....  

Snails!

My kids have found their calling in life and spend days catching these slimy bastards.  There are so many.  I really want to get out the nail polish and 'tag' them to see if we are just catching the same ones over and over.  It would also allow me to name them things like 'Bubba' and 'Fatty'.  I may still be jet-lagged. 

 

 Laundry

 Here's the deal.  Most of Scotland line drys when they can.  It's a mix of them being energy conscious and thrifty.  Strangely, I find the process of hanging things up to dry therapeutic.  The downside is the crunchiness of the clothes.  Which is why they iron.  Regardless of the crunchiness, I still refuse to iron.  It's a mix of stubbornness and that I just don't care. 

 

Andrew Carnegie

Dunfermline, Scotland is the birthplace of Andrew Carnegie (as in Carnegie Hall and they pronounce it car-NAY-gie).  I know! He's not American! Shocking.  Fun Fact:  He established the public library.  No, not just the one here in Dunfermline but all the ones in Britian, US, and Canada.  Don't worry, we got our Dunfermline Library cards.  There's a Carnegie Hall here as well.  I'm guessing it's older than ours.

Scotland: Week 1

Intro to Jet Lag

Jet lag, though art a heartless $%*&@!  Jet lag is where you want to sleep but can't and when you can, you shouldn't.  Add kids to this wild ride and you want to commit yourself.   Scotland is six hours ahead of us so here is some fun math because thinking is really fun when jet lagged:  At 12:00pm, it is 6:00am (in the morning for those who may be slow or jet lagged) to us and at 12:00am the kids are just warming up.....in other words,

jet lag+kids=HELL

I'm in hell.  Welcome.  Won't you join the rest of the adults for some sleep deprivation and tea??  I'm not a scientist but I hypothesize it takes the number of days that there are hours of difference to properly get over jet lag.  Hard to test this on toddlers as they are always just a little off. 

Tea

 

 Step 2:  Drink Tea.  It's a cultural thing and you don't want to be the odd man out.  It's great.  They will probably want to give you a 'biscuit' to go with it, which is a fancy way of saying cookie and unlike the cute little story of 'If You Give a Mouse a Cookie' this story ends with you gaining ten pounds because the secret ingredient in Scottish food is butter!  But enjoy anyways.  Anticipate having tea at least five times a day and becoming full on addicted to caffeine.  It's fine, if you have kids you, need the caffeine.  It's the only socially acceptable daytime drug we have!  What's that Judge Judy??? YOU don't need caffeine?? Oh well, YOU need more kids then.  Have a 'cuppa' and shut up.

First Day of School

Isla, at 6, is old enough to be in school.  She joins her cousin Gemma in P1 which is the equivalent to our Kindergarten.  'The Hubs' is already asking that I quantify 'equivalent' but I'm saving that for my shpeel on education.  Anyways, we have special permission from the headmaster to join in the fun a couple of days a week and we are truly grateful for this amazing opportunity. They must wear a uniform even in the public schools and I have to admit it---I love this!  The pictures are adorable!!!  Her first day entails a trip to the Edinburgh Zoo.  School is instantly 'Brilliant'.  Being the social butterfly that she is, she's off to a good start.  However, we have to have a conversation about not correcting the teachers on their teaching methods just a few days in.  That's my girl!

Internationals take on Scotland

 

 Scotland

Base Camp:  Dunfermline, Fife, Scotland, UK

Basic Itinerary:

1. Week 1:  Settle in and visit with family (yeah for Scottish grandparents that agreed to lodge us!  They're obviously mental).  Encourage the children to sleep in new surroundings, and not with me, while getting over massive jet-lag.  Surprise Isla with the news that she's joining her cousin for P1 primary school the day after we arrive, as a fun privilege/experimental way to rid myself of 1/4th of my parental duties.  
2. Week 2:  Enjoy our surroundings. Feel out the city.  Try not to stand out as Americans in public.  Ha!  Just kidding.  No chance.
3. Week 3:  See some parks/museums, investigate local treasures and pretty much play annoying tourist.  Ride the train.  Break the devastating news that the train goes straight across the Forth Road Bridge and not over it like a roller coaster.  When the children break into riot, pretend they are not mine.
4. Week 4:  Consider letting kids try Scotch since I'm pretty sure you can drink when you can see over the bar.  Come to my senses and drink it all myself.  Let them get high on fudge donuts and custard slices from Stephen's the Baker instead.  Find a way to feed kids haggis without them knowing it.  Possibly get tips from 'Stephen'.
5. Week 5:  Try something we've never experienced before.  Like maybe go hunting for the Loch Ness monster.  Hike to the top of the highest mountain, find the flower of Scotland and sing something from The Sound of Music.  Hike or drive...   
6. Week 6:  Discover historical landmarks--point and laugh.  While everyone is staring attempt to take a picture with all kids looking at the camera.  Tell kids not to touch anything and then run when that fails.  See how cold the North Sea actually is.  Toss children in anyways.
7. Week 7:  Have some grown up time, hopefully in a pub.  Sample drinks and sing/chant obscene Scottish songs, all while doing a jig (aka getting 'jiggy with it') as part of said grown-up time.  Discuss Scottish hangover remedies.
8. Week 8:  Tie up loose ends, decide what to smuggle, give awards to our best and favorites and say goodbye. 

 Discussion Topics: 

Mission Impossible

The Internationals

Who We Are:  Your worst nightmare......just kidding, we're awesome!

• Isla:  Age 7.  Loves butterflies and being the leader.  May have mild OCD, which is exasperated by living in a house of chaos.
• Campbell:  Age 5.  Enjoys running everywhere, karate chopping everything and currently in a serious relationship with the i-pad.
• Cora:  Age 3.  Very outspoken and likes to critique my parenting.  Favorite thing is polka dots which she refers to as 'coconuts'.
• Ailsa:  Age 3.  More laid back than her counterpart.  Loves dressing princesses but not herself. Could possibly be the evil genius of the crew.
• Me:  I'm the boss (unless you ask Cora).  I like escaping to the happy place in my mind, taking incriminating photos and writing about the craziness of life.  The kids write their own material.
• The Hubs:  mildly amused by my anecdotes and considers me a genius.  What?!

Our Mission:

1. Travel to another country.  
2. Experience as much as our little family can take in a relatively short period of time.
3. Observe all aspects of everyday life.  Look at differences in culture, admire history and gain some perspective.
4. Have fun, learn a lot and share our adventure and knowledge with others....You are welcome!

Question:
How long does it take a 6 year old, 4 year old and twin 2yr olds to get over jet lag?
Answer:  Maybe never....

Let's Rock and Roll!