Scotland: Week 4

Drink, eat and be merry....

 

 

Eat

 

So many cakes and so little time.  Scottish folk offer up cake like its air, at all times of day.  It's a peace offering/answer for everything. My faves include Stephen's fudge donuts, custard slices and Bakewell tarts.  No wonder I usually gain 10lbs. 
Oh and chips (fries) are served with everything, including pasta.  I'd like a side of starch with my starch please.  What's that?  Would I like some freshly baked bread? Damn straight!  And pass the salt and vinegar! 

Another amazing commodity is a full cooked Scottish breakfast.  It consists of fried eggs, beans in a tomato sauce, cooked tomatoes, potato scones, sauteed mushrooms, toast and then, for non vegetarians, sausages and black pudding.  That's all of us eating one at Dobbie's Garden Center above.  That and Iron Bru are the secret Scottish remedies for two much of my next subject.

Food is clearly a weakness. 

 

Drink

 

We've already discussed tea as a staple so we can cut to the chase...Whether it's 'champers' (campaign), beer (preferably in pint form) or cider (I like mine with black currant).....I gotta hand it to the Scots--They can drink!  If you think you can drink, which I can't, be careful because some of their stuff is stronger than ours and you could find yourself on the floor of a bar like one of my sorority sisters.  Pictured above are the pints my brother in law ordered and then let my five year old sample.   That's him probably laughing about it.  Not a big deal in Scotland.  The more worrying fact was that it was Kronnenburg and the five year old said 'yum!'  May have my work cut out for me there.  

 

Be Merry 

 

I feel like there is a celebration for everything in Scotland.  Any reason to get together and eat/drink is a good reason.  I like it. 
'Let's meet for a pint!' is a good enough reason and then all of the sudden you have friends for life. 


Please drink responsibly....

Or you could end up like this.

Wild Animals

So I took my four animals to the zoo the other day.  The sun was out and it was a beautiful day to be outside.  The kids were wild but I was only asked a few times if I was in charge of a playgroup.  The kids finished off an entire cooler bag of snacks and water.  Note to self:  Take more.  I forgot sunscreen but in my defense it's the beginning of March and I had no idea it would hit 80 degrees.  Oh well!  No use crying over slightly cooked children.
We saw most of the animals, rode the train and carousel and hiked every inch of The Saint Louis Zoo.  All in all, I would say it was a successful mission.
If you are planning a trip to the zoo, I recommend laying down some ground rules.  

Our rules were made along the way and are as follows:

1.  Do not pick up foreign objects, such as random trash or other peoples lost relics.  I thought you knew this but apparently we needed to go over this again.  No, we do not need an extra hair bow. Gag.
2.  Do not bite.  Especially for no good reason and just for the hell of it. 
3.  No throwing a fit when things don't go your way.  I'm sorry the penguin exhibit is closed and there's a line for the train.  There's nothing I can do about it.  Your complaints are futile and annoying.
4.  No sticks.  Every time a stick gets picked up, someone gets a beating, sometimes a completely innocent bystander.  The next person that picks up a stick gets said stick across the backside.
5.  Do not stand up in a moving wagon.  Luckily I haven't had to reinforce this with punishment as you've all fallen out.  Dumb.
6.  Do not climb walls that separate you from the animals.  Just a suggestion.  Also climbing statues that say 'Do Not Climb', the powers above frown on.  Side note:  Parkour is an adolescent sport you can do when you're old enough to be out of my sight.
7.  Do not lay on the ground flat on your back in the middle of a path or risk being trampled by the stampede.  It also makes me look bad.
8.  Do not play hide and seek unwillingly.  IF you follow this action by an inability to hear your name when I call, I will beat you into next Tuesday.
9.  All bodies of water are off limits.  We'd all like to swim with the sea lions but that's life.  I don't appreciate that Lucy Liu just had to catch you from diving head first into the butterfly pond.
10. Do not touch the animals.  Along those lines DO NOT catch the butterflies or the old lady in charge will take you home and cook you for dinner.  She's already giving us stink eye and I don't blame her. 
11.  Stay close by.  The zoo keepers didn't find my jokes about zone defense funny.
12.  Don't taunt the animals.  Even though it was funny when you named Rosebud the monkey,  Rose Butt.  The song 'I see your butt!' was a step too far.
13.  Do not talk to strangers.  If I'm right next to you and you feel the need to greet someone, please, say something nice and not 'Hey there stinky pants!'
14.  Know what personal space is and don't try to edge other children out.  This is 'Merica'!  Grown-ups blocking views and taking forever, give the kids a break and let them see.  Your grown-ups and it's a Tuesday morning...don't you have somewhere else to be?
15.  When I tell you to go to bathroom, it's not a nice suggestion.  Go to the bathroom because I'm not hiking an hour in the opposite direction. 
16.  Don't put your hands down your pants.  You don't need to go in to re-adjust.
17.  Do not feed animals or other peoples children.
18.  You may make requests but not demands.  Stupid requests don't require answers.  No we can't have a tiger...
19.  Don't wander off.  If you can't see me, you have a problem.  Freeze.  I will find you.  Excuses for wanders are met with a distant look and a sigh.  I'm 'wandering' where the beer is.
20.  No you may not have a boomerang, a stuffed lemur, a stuffed elephant or any other stuffed useless toy.  Stupid gift shops everywhere!

If compliance is a problem just remember:  You're in a good spot to return them to their natural environment.  Good luck with all the wild animals! 

Scotland: Week 3

Marching on to museums, treasures and trains...

 Museums

  
I'm quite aware that there are awesome museums everywhere, especially in the big cities, but the Scotland National Museum is noteworthy.  There are floors upon floors of fun educational things for kids to see and do.  The kids of course loved the thing you stick your change in at the front door, which is not even part of the museum....typical.  My fave was the section for the younger kids which had a lot of hands on activities and was contained.  A win for anyone with more than one child.

 

Local Treasures

One of Dunfermline's greatest treasures is The Glen.  It has a indoor botanical garden, a maze of outside gardens, fields, play parks and a kid friendly coffee shop.  If you want to go for a walk, fly a kite or burn that kid energy, this is the place.  The Gala, a parade/celebration for all the schools in June, ends up here and is the bees knees!  Cheering on kids in egg and spoon races is what I live for.  I'm so wild.

 

 Trains

Riding a train is such an adventure, especially when you are a kid.  If you have a lot of children, like I do, the train staff feel so sorry for you, they let the kids ride free!  Hoorah!  At least their somewhat contained and there's a bathroom.  For a different perspective, you can go to the lovely town of Queensferry where you can see the bridge from below and view a monument that lists all the people that died while building it.  A real treat for my slightly morbid oldest child.  You can also walk the Forth Road Bridge that runs parallel, but it's a mile and a half in one direction.  No thanks.  I'm good.